These Polite Habits Are Actually Rude
Most people do their best to practice politeness and be considerate. Unfortunately, we all have different definitions of what is polite, and some “polite” habits can rub people the wrong way. Knowing what bothers different people is impossible, but considering your habits from a new perspective can help you avoid crass and presumptuous behavior that puts people off.
1. Arriving Early
This “polite” habit is particularly loathed by party hosts, as it can catch them off-guard before they’re ready. Arriving significantly early to most things can be rude, whether it’s a date or a spin class. It can make other people feel rushed or guilty for not being as early as you, so arriving 30 minutes before the planned time can be as rude as showing up late.
2. Overapologizing
If you hurt someone, it’s always kind to say “sorry.” However, it can be frustrating when someone apologizes constantly for every tiny thing. Overapologizing can make the recipient feel guilty for making you feel guilty, irritate them, or be taxing on them to frequently have to reassure you.
3. Oversharing
Sharing personal details is how we get to know people and connect over shared interests, experiences, or traits. However, it can make people severely uncomfortable when you unload your life’s story on them upon first meeting. It can even be rude to share unpleasant things with acquaintances.
4. Overcomplimenting
While compliments are usually intended to be kind, they can also be rude and annoying. Overcomplimenting someone can seem disingenuous or make them uncomfortable. Also, some people don’t appreciate compliments on their physical appearance or mood at all, as these comments can feel invasive.
5. Fighting Compliments
It’s okay if you don’t like compliments, but rebuffing a compliment is rude to someone just trying to be nice. People may also see the rebuff as fishing for more compliments and validation. Self-deprecation may seem better, but it just makes everyone feel awkward.
6. Cheek-Kissing, Hugging, and Handshaking
People have been greeting others in these ways for centuries, but with our modern understanding of germs, lots of people hate touching strangers or even acquaintances. Unfortunately, some consider rejecting these things rude, while others think it's rude to be forced into physical touch.
7. Group Email Replies
Most people get dozens of emails a day, if not more. So when you reply “thanks” or “got it!” to everyone listed on a group email, it’s irritating and unnecessary, clogging up people’s inboxes. It’s best to either not reply or only email the original sender.
8. Freeform RSVPs
Snail mail has mostly become a thing of the past. But it's best to follow instructions when you’re asked to RSVP a certain way, even by snail mail. Skipping the RSVP protocol and sending a text or email to confirm your attendance can make things difficult for the host.
9. Holding the Door Open
This chivalrous action is meant to be thoughtful and considerate, but it can add a strange pressure to the person heading toward the door. It can make them feel rushed or awkward as a stranger waits for them to reach the threshold. Try to only hold the door for people right behind you.
10. Pulling Out a Chair
Pulling out someone’s chair for them is an antiquated habit that many don’t like anymore. It can feel invasive when a stranger does it, like a restaurant host. And when someone you know does it for you, it can feel condescending and uncomfortable.
11. Saying “No Worries” or “No Problem”
Not everyone finds this rude, but some take offense when you reply like this. They feel that by saying these phrases, you’re implying that it was something that would’ve been a problem or worry. It may seem silly, but certain people are bothered by these responses.
12. Giving Unwanted Help
Insisting on helping someone who didn’t ask or refused your assistance can be rude on many levels. It can imply they’re incapable, make things more difficult, or make them uncomfortable. Whether it’s a stranger carrying their groceries or a dinner host cleaning up, be conscious of how your help may be perceived.
13. Clearing Dishes Early
People eat at different speeds, which is fine, but cleaning or clearing the table while someone is still enjoying their food can make them feel rushed or like you were only there for the food. Rather than stacking dishes or taking them away the moment you’re finished, sit with the person eating until they’re done.
14. Asking Lots of Questions
Asking someone questions about themself shows you’re interested in them, but too many questions can come off as intrusive and creepy. Interrogating someone, whether a new friend, coworker, or partner, can make them uneasy, so try to keep your questioning appropriate and reasonable.
15. Offering to Pay
Depending on the situation, offering to pay for someone can be considered presumptuous and offensive. It’s hard to know when it’s okay to pay and when it’s a bad idea, but it usually depends on your relationship with the person and what you’re offering to pay for.
16. Giving Unprompted Directions
No one likes a backseat driver! Unless you’re the leader in this situation, let the navigator do their job, and don’t belittle them by offering unsolicited directions, help, or advice. In particular, don’t tell drivers how to drive or point out things like stop signs and yield signs, which they probably saw too.
17. Pretending You Can Hear Someone
We’ve all been there; someone says something to you, but you don’t hear it or can’t understand it. It can be frustrating and awkward, so nodding or saying “okay” can be the easy way out, but it implies you don’t care about what they’re saying or assume it’s unimportant.
18. Giving Surprise Gifts
Some people love a surprise gift, but others see it as an obligation or burden. They may feel bad they don’t have a gift for you or feel obligated to buy one. Unless you know this person loves a surprise gift or treat, check with them before getting them something or set expectations.
19. Joking With Service Staff
Making a lighthearted joke when ordering your morning coffee or getting a beer at a bar may seem kind and friendly, but it usually forces the worker to give you a fake laugh and wastes their time. Service staff are not there for you to workshop your stand-up material, so don’t subject them to bad jokes.
20. Showing Up Sick
Once upon a time, people were seen as tough or dedicated when they showed up to work or an event sick. While canceling plans or calling out sick can seem rude or wrong, it’s far more inconsiderate to show up with an illness and make others sick.
21. Leaving Elaborate Voicemails
Frankly, listening to a long-winded voicemail with important information is a chore. In general, voicemails are annoying, but voicemails that include crucial details, like phone numbers, names, locations, dates, times, and more, force the recipient to listen closely and write everything down. Just send a text.
22. Calling People's Phones
People born before 1990 are more likely to make a phone call rather than send a text. So, it’s normal among certain age ranges, but most people born after 1990 find phone calls rude because they demand you give the caller your immediate attention. Unless it’s an emergency, a text is better, even if it’s just to ask them to give you a call.
23. Waving on Cars or Pedestrians
Ultimately, waving someone on at a four-way stop breaks the rules of the road. When people do things like this, it slows down traffic and causes unnecessary confusion. Rather than stopping at a green light to let someone cross, just adhere to the traffic laws so everyone is on the same page.
24. Tagging People on Social Media
Tagging someone on a social media post may not seem like a big deal, but it can be impolite. For example, tagging a person in a photo featuring alcoholic drinks may get them in trouble at work. Or tagging a friend on a promotional post spams their phone and involves them in something they did not agree to. Just ask permission before adding a tag!
25. Saying “Yes” to Everything
People pleasers aim to satisfy everyone and come off as perfectly polite, but being a chronic yes-man can frustrate others. It can make someone feel like they're forcing you to do a favor or that your opinions are substanceless because you just agree with everyone.
